Reappearing Act

I went to see Black Swan with a friend last night. I can’t say that I enjoyed it per se, but it was interesting and I’ve thought about it all day today. I also had a crazy dream last night that I’m sure was inspired by the swirling visuals from the movie. It started like a normal dream, but suddenly everyone was treating me differently.  A bunch of people asked me if I was alright and I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. Finally someone said, “Mary you look so different…you’re disappearing!”

I looked over my shoulder and saw my reflection in a window. I smiled and said, “No. I’m reappearing!”

I don’t remember anything else about the dream, but when I woke up this morning I recalled that line with such clarity. It felt like a profound declaration of truth and a big step in the right direction.

I’ve been talking about this present project stuff a great deal this week. I’ve received oodles of support and it helps keep up my resolve to continue moving forward.

It felt good to be with friends last night. Laughing until we cried. I’m lucky to have the people I have in my life. After dinner, I explained why I started this project and although my friend supported it – she didn’t quite understand why I’ve felt so lost. I’ve realized in talking to people about this, that in most cases I’ve hidden my discomfort quite well. After we discussed the specifics a bit more, she was glad that I decided to address my disappearing act. She was proud of my “going deeper” to make positive changes in my life.

I was thinking about my focus for this post earlier and I kept seeing a rose in my mind’s eye.  I love that from this perspective the rose almost looks like a maze. It reminded me of this journey  – getting to the bud. Working my way back to the center.

Sometimes I feel like I could only be described as beautiful from a distance. Sort of like when you see a famous painting in a museum –  when you get up close, it looses some of its magic. All you can see is the brush strokes and what you’d thought as beautiful is now distorted.

This picture encouraged me to remember my beauty today …even up close. To keep walking though the maze of petals until I completely reappear!

Talk soon!