Life’s Like a Box of Chocolates…

I had one of the nicest Valentine’s days on record. I got some great gifts, heard from almost all the people who I love and got some sweet treats from my students. I felt pretty special!

I promised a super post last night and I’m afraid that I don’t really have a super post in me at the moment.

I’m usually pretty on top of things. I write lists. I juggle whatever gets thrown my way and most of the time I get a bunch accomplished every day. That said, my wheels have been spinning this week. I have tons of schoolwork looming and suddenly it’s Thursday. I’m exhausted. I slept through my alarm this morning. Luckily, it was only 6:20 am when I rolled over and realized it was getting lighter outside. I got dressed and got on the road, luckily I wasn’t late to school.

I’m not sure how I’m going to get it all done.

I’ve also been seriously freaking out about money and that hasn’t made things any easier. My new-found faith is certainly being tested. Experience tells me that it will work out, but I’m still on edge.

Why, Mary, you shouldn’t be freaking out. You’ve got all these great things in your grid – meditation and prayer. You should feel so zen…

Confession alert. I have practically abandoned the bulk of my grid for almost two weeks. Every day I convince myself that there isn’t enough time and everyday I fall a little more off the horse. I’m embarrassed to admit this. However, I think writing it down acknowledges the slip and helps me get things right again.

I have a long weekend coming up and I want to get back into the swing of things. I think finding my way back into the grid will help me feel more at ease, give me a small grasp at something solid when my life is overflowing with craziness.

I have been working through the Meeting Your Half Orange book and that is going really well. I’ve had some pretty big light bulb epiphanies while reading the last week. I’m supposed to be thinking about what I want from my big dream relationship. I want to focus my energy on the anticipation of that big dream relationship, but how can that big relationship fit into my already packed to the brim life?

It comes back to faith, I guess. I just opened a new window to look up the definition of faith in the dictionary.

Faith – firm belief in something for which there is no proof.

Firm belief, huh. At the moment, I’m having a difficult time finding even a flimsy belief that all that I’m chasing will come true.

I didn’t intend this to be a bitter post, I hope it isn’t coming off that way. I’m just a bit overwhelmed. Glass half full overwhelmed, but overwhelmed just the same.

I guess this present project is still working whether I’ve fallen off the grid or not, because I’m not escaping anything. I’m here, sitting vigil  in the mess of all of this and I’m not giving up. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be teaching amazing kids every day. I’m jazzed to be so close to getting my teaching license. I’m learning a ton and enjoying my classes, even if they are kicking my ass.

So for now I will do my best to focus on the idea of life being like a box of chocolates. Because you never know what you’re going to get. If you never know what you’re going to get, then you have a fifty-fifty chance of making it big and getting all you dreamed of. I hope in this life, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

 

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