Show Your Feathers

I have been enthralled with peacocks for as long as I can remember. I think they have the most beautiful feathers and I love all the brilliant colors. When I was a toddler, I caused quite a commotion when I chased one around the Denver Zoo at top speed. The peacock wasn’t interested in being friends and led me through a frenzied chase. I was too engrossed in his beauty to realize I had stomped through a couple of picnic lunches. My parents finally caught me before I caught the peacock and I’m sure they were very proud of me that day 🙂

This weekend, I have been surrounded by peacock feathers. I did some research on the symbolism of the peacock and found it to be appropriate to this journey I’m on. The peacock is a symbol of integrity and the rich beauty we can achieve when we commit to showing our true colors. The feathers are also a symbol of protection and watchfulness. I have felt highly connected to protective forces recently, and this synchronicity of seeing so many peacock images this weekend doesn’t feel coincidental.

I read tonight that Buddhist’s associate peacock feathers to the feeling of openness, because the peacock displays everything when they spread their tails for the world to see. And apparently, peacocks can eat poisonous plants and survive, which they attribute to the ability to persevere and thrive in the face of suffering. Lots of connection to my own life!

I’ve had a wonderful weekend of support, love and reconnection with many friends – some of whom I haven’t spoken to in a decade. This morning, I skyped with two of my best friends – my writing soul mates. We try to connect every three weeks and it is healing to hear their voices and receive their advice and input in my life. We spoke about my journey of healing, especially in intimacy and relationships. It helps to put a voice to my mending heart and have ears that so willingly listen. Lately, I have received little glimpses of what I have been missing for so long. It is exciting and unnerving at the same time. I know that I am  healing because although I am tempted to run away, I am staying present and working through these emotions.

Today we spoke about the reasons that I had shut down in the first place. I’m finding it less difficult to talk about. I think even acknowledging how profoundly hurt I was, has taken away some of the betrayal’s power over me. I don’t need to be dejected or unlovable any more.

Even though I’m nervous to open up and show my feathers again, I feel a deep urging in my soul that it’s time to come out of hiding and show off my colors.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 11:36:56

    Oh sweetheart, I’m so very proud of you! And, ironically, have been VERY drawn to peacocks lately, and also as a child! I used to have a peacock feather that I would practice balancing on my finger tip for hours. I even picked up peacock napkins in Whole Foods the other day, but put them down b/c they were almost six dollars and I couldn’t justify spending that much on such a frivalous thing! 🙂 Ahhhh … sometimes not so frivalous. I love you, soul mate!xoxoxoxo

    Reply

    • Mary
      Mar 21, 2011 @ 19:32:47

      Oh, Lisa – I’m not surprised by that connection. I can just see you balancing that feather on your finger 🙂
      Yes, that does seem expensive for napkins, but sometimes good for the soul. I spent more money than I should have yesterday on Native American smudge feathers – I’ll have to send you a picture, you’ll love them!
      I love you too, my dear!!!

      Reply

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