Spring Awakening and the Iron Lung

I’m about halfway into my Spring Break and I’m still struggling to breathe. Today was better than yesterday, but I just coughed so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. I know that I am improving because the cough is productive. I’m getting this poison out of my lungs, but it is laborious and exhausting. So much for a relaxing week in the mountains, right?

I have struggled with my health off and on for my entire life. I came into this world fighting and there have been moments (or years) of that same fight as I’ve grown into a woman. I know that this illness this last week is small in comparison to some of the things I have survived in the past, but having to put off something fun because of being sick, takes me into a dark place of despair and disappointment.

This journey is about the present and right now, in this moment, I am striving to not feel defeated. I have been working at mending my whole self through this process and this set-back is hitting me hard. I don’t want my body to be my enemy anymore.

I know that taking better care of myself with good rest, healthy food and daily exercise would go a long way in helping with my health, however that feels too little too late at the moment.

I dreamed about going up to Buena Vista for weeks. I daydreamed of writing, sleeping in, hiking my favorite canyon…My family and I had discussed going up for a long weekend if I was improving. Even though I have seen some improvement today, it isn’t enough. I realized today that going up into the higher altitude will only set me back. I can’t miss any school next week so it is in my best interest to stay here in town.

I feel the need to grieve. I didn’t want to write about it, but that was an indication that I should. I also want things to change and feel more drive than ever to reconnect to my body in a healthy manner. When I look forward to the rest of this year and all the years I will be blessed with, I want to know I was living my best life all of the time. I intend to be well.

In reality, people get sick. Especially teachers who are caring for and educating sick students who come to school and share all their germs. I may always struggle with asthma. I may not. It’s hard to say. I do know that I have scaled bigger mountains with my health and this disappointment will fade.

For now I can ask my angels for a speedy recovery and a better nights sleep. It’s going to be 75 degrees on Saturday. I hope that I will be feeling good enough to get out in the sun and enjoy some of this Spring Awakening. They say that vitamin D is good for depression. It might be just what the doctor ordered to get me back on my feet.

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