Painful Metamorphosis

I always thought that butterflies were beautiful, but I have to admit that the symbolism seemed kind of trite. I am now thinking that trite or not, it is very appropriate symbolism and imagery in my life right now.

I’m feeling better. I slept better last night than I have all week and that I think has made all the difference. I don’t have much energy yet – at best the energy level of a rinsed noodle. But I digress… back to the matter at hand. I dreamed of butterflies last night. I have been reading about butterfly gardens. I have butterflies on the brain.

March seems like a wash. I was so busy with school stuff and ignoring most of my human needs that I don’t feel like I got much accomplished on this journey. It wasn’t wasted time…it never is. I hope that April brings new commitment and hope and warmth of Spring.

We all know that butterflies represent transformation. In the span of a month, the small creature expends an enormous amount of energy to go through such a painful metamorphosis. After doing some research this morning, I realized another important element of symbolism for me.

The butterfly embraces this painful change as a natural part of its existence. It fully accepts its call to change as a natural part of life. It has faith that after the dark night of the soul, it will emerge from the lonely cocoon as a thing of great beauty. It will unfurl its vibrant wings and fly off into freedom.

This week has been a painful reminder that my health needs attention. I may not be able to cure myself of asthma, but I can take better care of myself in the interim. April is going to be about really trying to find that balance and begin to nurture myself. I have to. It’s too important to put off any longer. I know I wanted that back in January, yet this illness has shown me that I’m still just going through the motions. These 21 days will be about going inside. My transformation may still be painful, but I’m trying to have faith like the butterfly that I will emerge a thing of beauty and find freedom on the other side.

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