The Risk To Bloom

And then the day came

when the risk to remain

tight in a bud was

more painful than the

risk to bloom.

Anais Nin

That has been one of my favorite quotes since I first read it almost ten years ago in the Artist’s Way. This morning, I came down stairs to find these beautiful tulips on the table. I felt inspired to photograph them and knew that I wanted to focus this post on Anais Nin’s brilliant quote.

During April I have felt that I am finally taking that painful leap to risk blooming. I have been placed in situations, especially in terms of healing my heart, where I have been very tempted to operate with my usual sabotaging behavior. However, because I am committed to this project, I have stayed present and am happy to report that it is making all the difference.

This afternoon, I read a recommendation for a daily reflection book called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. I was so impressed with the sample, that I had to buy it. I downloaded it to my iPod and was trying to scroll to todays date, when I went too far. I landed on May 15th and lo and behold, the Anais Nin quote was staring back at me. That was definitely a sign.

Mark Nepo talks in the essay about how roses that won’t open are called bullets. These bullets are thrown out because they have turned in on themselves and will never release their fragrance. As I read this essay, I was shaken by some of his words and saw myself in them like a mirror, “Unlike roses, however, the human chamber can be shut down for years, and still, it takes but one breath from the true center and we will flower. We can flower in an instant, as soon as the pain of not flowering and not loving become greater than our fear.”

I’m still scared, but the blooming process has begun and my heart has begun to open again.

I have been very inspired creatively this week and I am excited to report that I wrote a song today. I haven’t even finished a lyric in over a year. I was in the car with my parents and I got this image in my head of a heart with a padlock on it. I thought to myself that would be good in a song…and it just started to pour out of me. I was glad to have my iPod with me because I sat in the garage and wrote in my notes as my parents went inside. I sat there for about 15 minutes and let the song come through.

It felt freeing and it is one of the best lyrics I have ever written. It is my truth for the moment and it’s nice to see that truth in song form. Now I have to play around with some melodies and see where the song will take me next. I’m excited to see inside as  the petals unfold.


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