Divine Intervention

Sorry there wasn’t a post on Wednesday. I had a 16 hour day and felt very sick when I got home about 10:30. The rest of the week flew by and got away from me.

I have been working through The Book of Awakening and I’m loving it. The writing is so beautiful and I find myself wanting to skip ahead and devour all of it because it’s just so uplifting. I’m also really getting a lot from the meditations. They are making me think and pushing me out of my comfort level…urging me out of the little box I’ve been sitting in for so long.

The Universe is urging me to speak up. It’s on the radio – Say what you need to say. It’s in the Tarot cards – Don’t give up and speak up for your needs. It’s in the Mark Nepo daily essays – Still it is the heart’s capacity to rise one more time after falling down, no matter how bruised. Our way depends not just on facing things head on, but in moving our whole being through.

I’m standing on the edge of a ravine, looking at the other side. I can see the lush scenery and my head knows that all I have to do is jump. My heart, however, remembers all the times I have fallen in the past and is so scared to leap again.

I want to speak up. I want to tell how I feel. I want to know that my love would be accepted and welcomed with open arms. Yet, I’m too scared to voice it for fear that more of my love will go to waste.

I keep praying for a sign, but what I’m really praying for is proof that I won’t be hurt…those prayers will go unanswered because I know that is an impossible request. I am too afraid to speak up, but even more afraid that my life won’t change or I won’t change until I do say what I need to say.

I guess now I need to pray for divine intervention and ask for help in getting out of my own way. I have thought for years how easy it would be to have someone else speak up to me, tell me their true feelings, but then I would never learn this lesson.  I’m being present. I’m trying to stand in the eye of the storm. Maybe I’ll be able to take this necessary leap to the other side soon.

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