Raindrops Keep Falling…

I’m still feeling a bit down in the dumps, unfortunately. I’m working through it, but I have to say I’ve hit some speed bumps that are testing my patience and my faith. Same old story, right.

The rain has been falling literally and figuratively these last few weeks. We have had some horrible storms recently in Colorado. Worst than any that I remember since I was little. Nothing like some of the terrible flooding that has been happening in other states, but intense nonetheless.

I think part of my melancholy is that things are happening in my life that I can’t control, I’m doing all I can. However, I haven’t been very good at spending time on the activities that make me feel sane like writing and making music, and that lack of creative outlet is making me feel worse. I can change how I use my time and stewing about non-existent job offers or lack of romance isn’t helping…clearly.

I have had a hard time understanding that I can’t hold myself to standards of other people’s experiences as the status quo. I always look around and outside of myself for measurement as to what I should be accomplishing. Yet, I know deep down that I march to a different drummer (and a nice horn section too!) and I never do things in a sequence that is “normal” or similar to anyone else’s experience. I need to remind myself that there is nothing wrong in going your own way, in making new ground and taking the road less traveled.

My mom gets a Unity publication of daily meditations. Yesterday, interestingly enough, was an essay on trust called, “Let Go, Let God.” This is a phrase often used in recovery and it used to rub me the wrong way because surrender is so difficult for me. In all honesty, I scoffed a little when I saw it sitting on the counter. I almost didn’t read it. I’m glad I changed my mind. It held some insightful reminders.

Letting go brings me peace and freedom. As I let go of worry about a job, the economy, my health or a loved one, I allow Spirit to work in these situations. When I let go of self-doubt and unworthiness , I let divine inner wisdom be my guide. Letting go does not mean I do nothing. It simply means I am less willful and more willing. I let go of the need to control or solve every problem and marvel at the way life is forever moving in the direction of my highest good.

The last line resonated the most with my own life right now. Although it seems like nothing is coming my way, I can’t see how I’m being led to my greater good right now. I will see it and understand it eventually. The sun will come out again. Maybe even tomorrow. As the music swells in the background.

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