Tears and Truth

Today has been a lovely, but difficult day. I had a wonderful time with one of my best friends and her daughter. Amidst the fun, I also had a difficult conversation. There were tears and truth. It was hard to talk about, but I’m glad we did.

I am a beautiful mess and I have lots more to write about but I need to process it a little bit more first.

I will check back in tomorrow.


Hi all,
I am chin-deep in packing and trying to get all my life into boxes before Friday. I haven’t been able to post as often as usual this last month and I know that once I can get moved and not have to be on the highway so many hours a week, things will go a lot smoother. Bear with me. I’ll be back soon 🙂

Unconditional Love

I ended up watching an amazing movie tonight called The Adjustment Bureau. It was incredible and after class, I didn’t end up getting much accomplished in the blog post that I had trouble with yesterday.

I still feel like I have some important stuff to say about behavior…but I haven’t got it right yet.Hopefully I’ll be closer for my Saturday post.

So for now, I want to leave you with my aunt’s pugs. I watched them over the weekend and was melted when I noticed that they snuggle as they sleep. My aunt says they always sleep this way. They are brother and sister. They clean each other’s ears and chase each other around the yard. They share their treats and love each other unconditionally.

Love has been on my mind a lot lately and I thought this was a nice image to hold in my heart. I’m still working through some of the same old stuff, but I have a couple new books I will be reading in July including The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown. I’ll keep posting updates as usual.

I will keep working through my post for Saturday and in the meantime focus on the unconditional love of snuggling pugs.

So I had already started a post for today…but I just can’t seem to finish it. The post is a bit hard to write. I keep editing and writing and erasing it all again.

I think I need to come back to it with new eyes tomorrow.

Til then…

Coming Soon…

Sorry I have been MIA this week. I tried to do an auto post thingy that did not work so well. I will be catching up tomorrow with an update. Stay tuned…

Sleeping Beauty

A weeks worth of sleep deprivation finally got me last night. I came home from a birthday party and essentially crashed. I had homework to work on and a post to write…but instead I was asleep by 9 pm. Sorry for being late twice this week.

I had a wonderful evening with a friend on Friday. I hadn’t seen him in about a month and it was refreshing to spend time with him. It’s one of those friendships that gets better and better. We enjoyed Indian food and then went for coffee at one of our old haunts called Pablo’s. We spoke about my concerns about having enough room in my life for a great relationship and he gave me some wonderful feedback on the matter. He said not to worry about the man of dreams not fitting, because he will be so in step with me when we meet that he will automatically fit perfectly. I will have to make time to see him, of course but that will be easy.

This was exactly what I needed to hear. We laughed a lot and I felt lighter just being in his presence.

I have been working on changing my attitude toward relationships and love. Even making some small adjustments in my attitude seems to be making a difference. While my friend and I sat at Pablo’s, I received many smiles and offered many smiles in return. It might be small, but I know that something has shifted in what I’m sending out into the world. It’s nice to get some positive reinforcement from the Universe.

This is a picture of my coffee from Pablo’s. The barista might not have meant anything by it at all, but it was a nice nudge that my efforts aren’t going unnoticed.

This week I’ll be focusing on catching up on my Mt. Everest of homework, getting back into my grid, going to bed earlier and creating my  big relationship list.

Talk soon…

January Status Report

It’s the second day of February and the temperature is still dangerously low. I just checked online and it’s officially zero degrees. ZERO! Yikes. This winter storm is slamming most of the country. I stayed home today because my school district decided to operate under a normal schedule even though all the other school districts decided it was still too cold. I have asthma and these temperatures make it dangerous for me to be outside. So I’m staying in, staying warm, drinking hot tea and chipping away at the monstrous pile of reading I have to do before Saturday.

I thought this would be a good time to check in on my progress during January and make some goals for February. A month into the project, I’m feeling very encouraged and excited. On the positive side, I have made strides in all areas of my life and I’ve reconnected my mind, body and spirit – a connection by a thin piece of string, but a connection should be celebrated. On the other side of the coin, I have not followed all of my grid every day. I’m not going to beat myself up about that though because I did follow most days of the month and that is a huge improvement over what the previous year looked like…

I am still working my way through A Course in Weight Loss. In an effort of full disclosure, I have gotten stuck on the first lesson this last week. I have twelve emotions left to write out and I think I hit a slight road block. I’m going to push through it and keep writing it all out, but I did regress a bit with it at the end of January. I wouldn’t have expected these emotions to be so difficult, but I’ve uncovered some more land mines in my emotional landscape.

On the physical level, I will be continuing on with the yoga practice. I’m noticing a subtle difference in my body in terms of my flexibility and my posture is improving. It’s a small shift, but a shift in the positive still holds weight. I also will be adding in some new cardio into my grid for February.

I’m not sure how to report on the spiritual side of things. After reflection, I think I have made some strides in this camp, but not as much as I had hoped. A month ago, I thought this would be the easiest part of my life to get back in check. In February, I think I need to make a bigger effort – a daily effort. I have been making a daily effort, but I don’t think it’s enough to feel a change. Maybe things are changing so subtly that I’m not noticing…

One of the nicest developments is that I am already feeling more at home in my skin even though my body isn’t drastically different. I’ve been under the impression for a long time that in order to be happy and confident, I needed to be much smaller in size. I haven’t weighed myself, but I’m pretty sure any weight loss over the past month has been minimal at best. My thoughts have been changing and my perspective has been shifting into a more positive light. I’ve been more open and welcoming of any experiences that push me out of my comfort zone. Instead of retreating inward and burying my head in the sand, I have been present  – even when scared. And surprisingly, I’ve had really positive results. Such positive results that I’m thinking a lot about  why I was hell-bent to operate out of fear for so many years.

That’s the beauty of consciously focusing on the present. In the past, I only focused on what had already happened to me or how I wanted things to be different in the future, but I made no effort to look at my present circumstances. It’s hard for your life to change that way. This has been a big lesson and I’m really encouraged that I saw the light in a small amount of time. I think it will help me to expand and grow more in the coming months.

Looking into February I will be keeping most of my January grid, however I’ll be adding on some new components. These will include fun cardio a couple of times a week, Meeting Your Half Orange by Amy Spencer and You: Being BeautifulThe Owner’s Manual to Inner and Outer Beauty by Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz. I will be continuing on in A Course in Weight Loss and all the other grid elements from January.

It feels like a lot to do every day, but I think about how much time I wasted in the past not doing much in my best interest, so it feels necessary to do a bit more work now. It’s a good faith effort to find myself in a better place in 2012.

I heard this morning that Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, so Spring should be here early. It will be nice to see the frost warm away and new buds of life emerge. I will be blossoming as well.

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